Part 6: Nothing can be built out of perfection.

I tried to be perfect my whole life and it is a fool’s journey. It would be very boring to be perfect. (BTW-I have been called a lot of things, but boring is never one of them). This should have been my first indication that the search for perfection is not where I want to be. Where is the adventure in perfection….there is none!!

Another huge downfall of perfection is that I needed to pretend that I was perfect which lead to a double life by keeping tons of secrets. On the outside I needed to pretend that I was surviving, but in reality, I was really dying on the inside. Being perfect meant I could never tell the truth which kept people at arm’s length. Pretending that all is well when clearly by the state of my life, all was NOT well.

The quest of perfection went into every area of my life. If I can’t do it all perfectly, then I would do nothing at all, the world is viewed as black and white-no gray. A therapist once asked me if I was driving down the freeway and took the wrong exit would I go all the way back home and start all over again? No, that is insane, I would find my way back to the freeway and continue on my way. So, instead of perfection, how about pursuing goals with extra vigilance and when I fall (which I will); forgive myself, surround myself with people that have my best interests at heart and find confidants that can help me analyze.

Making a plan to pick myself up when I fail means I know I will not be perfect and this is a huge step and relief. Also, if I am perfect, it makes me way less approachable, and if I am unapproachable then my adventure is not relatable to others. Thus, thinking I need to be perfect is counterproductive. When I started this adventure, I never imagined I would vulnerable to the truths of my life and what my actions really meant. As I continued with my imperfect journey, I realized this adventure is Mind, Body and Soul. Each needs to be in sync or it is like a lopsided wheel. It started with my body. When I first went to Anytime Fitness and met DK, I was full of shame, hated my life and my body and spent most of my downtime laying in bed depressed. As the pounds started coming off, so did the fat coat I was wearing to cover up all the emotions I never wanted to feel. Remember the “fat outfit” I wore everywhere? Well that turned into carefully selected outfits that made me feel attractive and put together. My depression turned to thinking of better ways to handle life (Soul) and turning by business into something I enjoyed (mind). As I opened up my life, I realized that my imperfections were the only things in my life that I could improve on. If I were perfect, there would be no goals to achieve or areas to improve or people to reach.

I no longer want to be perfect. I want to live an authentic life that pushes me towards Un comfortability. Therefore, being vulnerable and talking about my issues gives me the chance to let other know that I made it through the issue. When I make it through to the other side of my issues hopefully, I can inspire others to push through their issues. Taking risks, trying new things, going towards the uncomfortable, being vulnerable, opening my heart; all these things do not happen if I am trying to be perfect. My life is so much richer and I am glad I am following the path to the unknown. Being imperfect makes it possible for me to finally build something new and challenging with life.